The glow of a candle

The church went dark.  The whispers hushed, the clickety-clack of heels paused, every humanly sound stopped.  The silence was beautiful, it was peaceful.  I looked over at Grandmom her eyes were closed, she held a faint smile on her lips and Kate's hand was nestled into hers.  Jack clutched batman tightly and leaned into Kevin's chest.  Wow, they look so much alike...I just love that.

The trees from the woods beyond the church peeked through the arched windows, which held the only trace of light.  Joey was still.  Joey is never still (especially in church), but the darkness stole his busy energy and he leaned into my chest.  I took a deep breath and appreciated the stillness, I appreciated my family, and I closed my eyes too.

Mass proceeded and then it was time to light our candles, and just when I thought the trance of the darkness could not be broken, the glow of 100's of candles stole the show!  Beautiful.  The Paschal candle came down the center aisle 40 feet from Joey and I.  When Joey first spotted it, he leaned towards it, took a deep breath and blew as hard as he could.

I couldn't take my eyes off of Kate, she and Grandmom held a candle together.  Kate stared into the flame, then she looked away.  Her face was so soft, so young, so perfect, and I just want to remember that image of her for the rest of my life.  Her eyes sparkled behind the shadows of her cheeks.  Her lips were perfectly pink.  She was stunning.

Jack sat deep in thought staring at his candle, he didn't look away.  I knew what he was thinking, I could just tell.  Then my thoughts were confirmed when he pursed his lips and he took a breathe in.  Kevin stopped him, "Don't blow out the candle Jack."  He smirked, and swooshed batman down the back of the alter.  Laid back, easy going, just happy and content rolling along with the flow of life.  He was so proud of his blue tie, and even more proud when Kevin came out of our room wearing his blue tie as well.  He rested batman on Kevin's leg, and focused back on the light.

Joey and I held the third candle together, we had about 20 birthday parties before we actually lit the candle, and pretend-blew it out 20 times, but Joey didn't attempt to blow out the real candle, even once.  He was amazed (probably that I was allowing him to hold fire), but he starred at it entertained and perfectly behaved and surprisingly calm.  (Very surprisingly.)  "Mommy,I light the candle fire, Mommy."  "Mommy, it hot, do not touch, Mommy."  "Mommy, Oh no, I got burn, kiss it...kiss it again...kiss it again..."  That candle was a miracle, Joey sang, he sat, and he protected his light, I was able to actually attend to mass for the first time in a long.

As the candles were blown out and the lights were flipped on, Joey's ball of energy that lives inside his body simultaneously flipped on, and he was back to his wild man church ways...so we went out to the hallway and listened to the homily together.  It was getting late, and Joey was getting sleepy.  I bounced him on my hip and he laid his head on my shoulder.  I wished I hadn't worn such high heels and wondered when Joey got so heavy.  I kissed his head for the 100th time that day, and I just felt so thankful for all my blessings.

Happy Easter.

A great day in Neverland...

Today was a great day!!!

Sure, I got a flat tire while taking Kate to school at 7:20 this morning...

But, today was super!

Sure, I didn't have my cell phone with me, because I ran out the house in such a frantic rush this morning...and every morning...

But, who cares!  Today was epic!

Sure, I didn't have my bra on and I was wearing my sister's Challenger Middle School Volleyball t-shirt, that may or may not be paper thin...

But, that's small potatoes compared to the wonderfulness of my day!

Sure, I was also wearing my hot pink Tinkerbell Pajama Pants, which I could have cussed my Mom out for giving to me and I could have cussed myself out for ever leaving the house UNDER ANY CONDITIONS wearing pants that should be ashamed of themselves for having any size exceeding a 2T on the tag.  Sure...

But, that's all in the past.

Sure, I cute fireman performed his civic duty and helped me change my flat tire, while I watched with fuzzy teeth, no bra, and my damn tinkerbell pants, which I plan on burning tonight.

But, this day will not be remembered for this complete embarrassment of a morning...no sir!


Sure, after departing ways with the hot fireman, I had to then go into Kate's school and check her in because she was tardy...still in the Tinkerbell pants people!

But, this day will be remembered as the day that I saw a glimmer of hope...

The sun finally came shining through the clouds...

On to the soccer field that Kate was playing...

And Kate didn't stop to watch her shadow.

She kicked some serious ass on the soccer field tonight, and I'm so proud of her!

She cut the ball, she attacked the ball, she passed the ball, she dribbled the ball, she positioned herself appropriately, she anticipated the play, she shot the ball, she scored the ball.

It was so fun to watch her!

I was just so proud of her!  It's like a light went off, and 3 years of training burst through her, faster than the air burst out of my tire this morning, and Kate shinned!  She played so great!

Did I mention I'm so proud of her?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few random pics from Ryan and Darby's birthday weekend!

Happy Valentine's Day!

With a special house guest in town, this house is bursting with love!

Gigi spent a net total of 3 hours yesterday sitting with Joey and "reading" his Mater book.  The same questions over and over and over again, and Gigi's patient responses one after the next, as if she was just answering the question for the very first time.  I think she giggled every time Joey said, "There's the helmet."

Gigi has watched many of Kate's shows in the living room.  Last night, Gigi held the "pole" while Kate leaped back and forth practicing her Kung Fu.  Gigi enjoys watching Kate retire to the sewing room and come out with one creation after the next.  Kate is now very handy with the hot glue gun and getting better with the sewing machine, so the creations are getting more and more elaborate.  Last night at dinner, I asked Kate, "I have you burned yourself with the hot glue gun yet?" She said, "Only once, but it only hurts for a second." Safety is top priority here at our house.

Jack told me that his favorite part of having Gigi at our house is, "uh, playin'"  He loves the big truck that she brought him, and it has quickly become an addition in his hoarding pile.  Jack is being such a big boy at school as well, and did not cry yesterday.  He and Kevin had a little chat and he promised Daddy that he would not cry, and he kept his promise.  Too big!!!  Stop growing up children!

A Rainy Day

Time flies when playing in an attic.  Jenny and I would set up "house" in Grandma Shirley and Poppa Doc's attic every summer.  Blankets, an old foam pad, rows of church dresses used as our entrance, and more Nancy Drew books than a person could read over the course of two weeks, although, I tried!   By mid morning we retired to our attic house, and played for hours and hours.  

On this rainy day Kate and her friend Tyler Grace transformed out messy attic storage into a "house" of their own.  Jack and Joey napped the rainy afternoon away, while the girls' imaginations ran wild.  It was so fun to watch.  They watched TV (an old mirror), put their in penguins in their cages (an old wall  cabinet), they swam with the dolphins (our work out rubber bands), and used all kinds of old lamps, rugs, chairs, and a baby crib mattress to make their house a home.  Tyler Grace kindly pointed out to me that I need to have a garage sale.  I told her that was a great idea, and maybe her Mommy and I could have one together, at which point she told me, "Well, we don't have this much stuff."

Thanks for the reality check TG!

The girl's have such beautiful imaginations and I'm so glad that Kate has a buddy to share in her over the top ideas!  Ideas that I'm too old to entertain in any real way.  I try, and believe me, I was the first to help decorate their house, but when it came to the play that went on, and on, and on...all afternoon, I left that to the 6 year old experts.  

I still have a Christmas tree up...

Jack is obsessed with his Christmas tree.  I can't blame him, it's very cool.  Sort of has that Charlie Brown look, where you can see the trunk and the branches are a little scraggly.  It probably goes without saying that it's fake, seeing has how it's still up and it's February.  We got the tree for 90% off at Hobby Lobby...do you hear me???? N.I.N.E.T.Y.  It was like 27 cents, or something like that :)

The tree was purchased sometime during the 2nd week of January, and rather than neatly tucking it into my super organized pile of Christmas decorations ;) Jack insisted on putting it on his dresser in his room.  I turn it on every day before nap, and forget to turn it off every afternoon.  Kevin usually turns it off at night before bed warning me, "That tree is going to catch on fire!"

What do you mean?

Well, have you seen that tree?

It's 1 month old!  It's fine!

Well, it looks like it's about to catch on fire.


Jack has my heart.  He melts it into a Tbsp of butter multiple times a day.  Today, he decided to cry when I left him at Mother's Morning Out.  He's been going to MMO for 3 years, and today is the day he decided to cry.  Not only did he cry, but he chased me down the hall, crying, and wailing, "Mommy, you need to give me another hug!" Alarmed and slightly in a panic, I turned around and saw a teary eyed Jack storming my way with his arms wide open.  It's like it wasn't my child, it was weird.  Jack does not usually act this clingy.  He's usually pretty selfish about dishing out the hugs.  I caught him, like we were seasoned Dirty Dancer performers and lifted him up over my head, then brought him into a full on bear hug.  If I wasn't wearing my red scrubs, you might have thought I was Patrick Swazi himself.  Well, and I think Patrick Swazi's dead...too soon?

We hugged and chatted for at least 10 minutes, right there in the hallway, on our knees...the posture we had landed after our spectacular lift.  Jack didn't want to let me go, and really I didn't mind.  I mean I did, because, why is he suddenly so attached to me?  But, I really didn't mind.

Jack, your class is waiting on you.  I think it's time for music.

Well, that's ok.  I want to just come home with you and watch a show.

Well, Mommy has to go to the nursing home and work today.  They only thing at home are the fish.

I can go home and play with them.

The day will go by so fast, you will have so much fun with your friends and then before you know it I'll be back to pick you up.  Plus, Joey needs you to stay here!  Who will he play with at lunch bunch?

After lots of back and forth we compromised.  I let him get his "magic box" full of more tiny toy sh*t than I care to own, out of the car and take it into his classroom.

What a little hoarder!  He is always hoarding the tiniest collection of the most random stuff into the strangest containers.  His collection of stuff always has his spy glasses, an eraser that Kate gave him, some other sunglasses, various matchbox cars, a bouncy ball from the Mexican restaurant, another ball from Party City, a broken dinosaur keychain, a deck of cards from Chick-fil-a, and often times some kind of snack.  This collection may be found gathered in a winter hat, or a zip lock bag, or a top hat party favor from his friend Stella, or a shoe...just about anything that will hold things.

Mrs. Susanne reported that he cried a few more minutes, and they listened to an audio tape titled, "Mommy always comes back," and he was fine.

Jack is a little home body.  He's not a big fan of outings or vacations.  By day 3 of a vacation he's usually asking to come home.  He likes to be settled in his nest, with his Christmas tree on, and his magic box of junk.

Kate's 6th Birthday

I took a pregnancy test, Kevin was in Las Vegas at his brother's bachelor party.  There I sat in Cullman, Alabama on Grandad's toilet, all alone.  Just staring at that little stick.  I knew something was different, I knew I felt different, I knew I felt funny, the thought of little orange muffins made me want to puke.  This isn't normal.

Kevin and I were dining at The All Steak the previous night while taking up residence in Cullman as we transitioned from our home in Birmingham, to our soon to be home in Belhaven.  The orange rolls were more famous than the steaks.  They were all the rave, but just the smell of the orange glaze, made my stomach stand up, and then once the rolls were place on our table, I literally had to swallow my stomach back down into the spot where it belonged.  

That's weird.  The last time I had these little orange rolls, I loved them.  

The blue floral wallpaper.  Each flower looks like it's been outlined with a silver glitter pen.  A vintage pendant light dangling over the sink.  I wiggle my toes.  Carpet.  The little stick sits next to me on the marble countertop.  I'm still sitting on the toilet, watching my clock.  Afraid to look at the stick until the full 90 seconds has passed.  Although, it could take up to 5 minutes the box so wisely conveyed.  

But, it didn't.  It only took 90 seconds.  Maybe it only took 3 seconds.  There it was "pregnant."

I got the digital one.  It cost $14.99.  That seemed excessive when I ran into Piggly Wiggly earlier in the day, but now, none of that matters.  I'm pregnant.  

The news was my little secret all weekend.  I just couldn't tell Kevin in the midst of whatever happens at a bachelor party in Sin City.  So, I waited, as long as I could wait, which ended up being hours before I was scheduled to pick him up at the airport in Birmingham.  I told him over the phone while he sat waiting for his last flight in some Texas airport.  There was nothing "pinterest" about the way I told him, I just said it.  I think the words just sort of giggled out of me, but in a bursting sort of way.  Really it's hard to believe I kept the bam-bam news from him for the 3 days that I did.  Then, an hour later we saw each other, and we went to Burger King. We were both so happy.  So very, very happy.

And now, 6 years and 10 months later...Kate is the light in my life!  She is my heart.  She is my angel.  She is my little girl, who is quickly growing out of that title.  This morning she woke up and quietly went downstairs and sat at the kitchen table, writing.  Writing, and writing, and writing.  It's what she loves to do these days.  She collects little pads of paper and fills them up in a matter of days. Hearing her sound out words is music to my ears, "wuh-de-n-guh-ju-r-ssss"..."wdngjrs" she writes.  This is what she wants from Santa, and while I'm thinking, "Why rush this?" I'm sure there will be a beautiful white wedding dress waiting for her under the tree Christmas morning.

After 20 minutes the boys joined her downstairs.  They all sat together at the kitchen table, and I laid in my bed listening.  "Hey boys, Good Morning." Kate said to her little brothers.  "Joey, did you sleep with your baby giraffe."

"Uh-huh" Joey answered.

"Boys do you want to color a picture this morning?"

She ran to the printer and collected all the paper in the tray, she brought out the box of crayons and set them up on the kitchen floor.  Then she went back to her paper and sounding out words.

They chatted, they talked, they melted my heart.

After a while Kate ran into my room, "Mommy, my brothers are thirsty."

So, I joined the kiddos and we had pancakes and orange juice.  And this morning it wasn't the smell of oranges that made the butterflies in my stomach wake up, it was watching my sweet little girl growing up right before my eyes.  

Happy 6th birthday Kate, I love you!

A few pictures from our day...

Pumpkin Patch

Monday's have become one of my favorite days with the boys.  Kate heads off to school and the boys and I head on an adventure.  Sometimes that adventure entails cleaning out playroom drawers upstairs, but most of the time I try to do something memorable.  Today we went to the pumpkin patch and played hard.  Who knew a pool full of corn would be so fun?  Jack LOVED it, and Joey would have sat in the pile of sand pushing big trucks around for 3 hours if I would have let him.  

Jack's favorite part: "Chasing the rooster that escaped the farm."

Jack's least favorite part: Sitting in timeout for pouting about get 1/2 a banana instead of a full banana, and then dropping the 1/2 banana in the midst of his pout.

My favorite part with Jack: Watching him play in the corn, and seeing the look on his face when I gave him his surprise bag of candy corns.

Joey's favorite part: "I like Chase and Josie."

Joey's least favorite part: Being stung by a yellow jacket.

My favorite part with Joey: Watching him pick up one pumpkin after the next and load them into our wagon.

My favorite part: Blueberry Lemonade and being with my boys.

Least favorite part: Putting Jack in timeout and panicking about Joey's "big stings" (as he called them)